Defending your love.

Everyone, yes, everyone has the potential to cheat on your partner. All it takes is a moment of anger, impulse, neediness and a moment of convenient temptation. How then can anyone ever be secure in a relationship?

You will if you both, have been consistently building your trust; If you have always been prepared for attacks, you will know when it’s time to defend your love.

A couple of months ago, I randomly posed a question to my boyfriend, “what would you do if this super-hot-super-your-type girl liked you?” He responded immediately “nothing.” I probed “what if she’s all over seducing you?” again, he responded “there’s nothing he can do.”

I was rather unsatisfied and felt uneasy about his answer but I couldn’t quite put a reason to it. But now I do.

A loyal, faithful spouse knows that everyone has the potential to cheat, so he carefully and painstakingly go great lengths to guard his heart. He deliberately prevents himself from getting into sticky, tempting situations and creates measures to avoid personal and emotional interactions with a female who he is potentially attracted to. The closer she gets, the louder the warning sirens. Now I know why I felt uneasy, it’s too passive.

A good defender, however inoffensive, will never be passive. A good defender and an attacker are in fact, both aggressive. As a defender, you do not sit by waiting for an attack. A defender aggressively builds defence structures, mechanisms, it’s a gruelling and demoralizing process because there is no end goal and you will never be too prepared for an attack.

The key to a good defence is early preparation and early prevention. Draw clear boundaries with regards to what’s-over-the-line and what’s not. For example, you both may agree to never send or be sent home by a friend of the opposite sex. For example, you both may agree to have minimal body contact and the limit is side hugs.

Come to a consensus with your “defence plot”. If either of us has a suitor, we will drop obvious hints that we are happily attached. If there is a particular person you find naturally drawn to, however, daunting, share with your partner. If he/she is mature enough, they will appreciate it and help you keep in check and to be your warning sirens.

Communicate. Honestly, immediately and completely. This may be the hardest part for most of us, but again, defending your love is supposed to be aggressive. You may think that you don’t want to sour the relationship, but honey trust me, if you keep it in, it’ll go bad anyway. Plus, you will seem overreacting with accumulated anger versus calmly sharing your thoughts on a minor issue the moment it bothers you.

That being said, it works two ways. On your part, you’ll have to be open to communication. Despite bitterness and hurt, learn to look beyond the negativity and listen to the hearts of your lover. Is he/she really saying this just to pick a fight? Or are they asking to try to understand you better to improve the relationship in the long run?

Ultimately, faith is built on trust. And trust has to be earned. If you feel that your partner doesn’t trust you, well then, what have you done to have earned their trust?

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